Girl Beneath the Wolf
by literaryrose
Summary: After BD, A look into Leah's life and those around her as she finally breaks
1. Chapter 1

LEAHPOV

The battle was won, it was over. We were safe, those Italian bloodsuckers were long gone, no casualties among wolves, no mourning in La Push. Then why did I feel like someone died?  
I knew it was because I had died, on the inside. Seeing Sam and Emily, so happy together after they left, seeing Jared and Kim, Quil and Emily, Jacob and the half breed, I realized I was alone. Sure, I had mom and Seth, but Mom and I were distant since Dad... And Seth, so obsessed with the pack and with the now, he deserved to be his own person, and not worry about me like I knew he did.

I was a burden on everyone, this I knew, and it wasn't fair to subject them to my jealousy and bitterness any more. They didn't deserve to deal with me. I didn't deserve to have them. I couldn't stay here and see the pity in people's eyes whenever Sam was brought up in my presence. I couldn't stand the guilt I saw in his eyes whenever he looked at me. I know it wasn't his fault, it wasn't anyones, but I was still bitter, bitter and angry. And it wasn't his fault he didn't love me. It was no ones fault. And who would love me to begin with, I wasn't worth it. I was a bitch to everyone I loved, just to hide my true feelings. I snapped at everyone, trying to hide the pain that ate away at me day after day when I saw Sam.

Shortly after Sam imprinted, that's when my, habit started. I discovered it quite by accident, but once I discovered that physical pain could take precedance over the emotional pain I felt, it became a regular occurance. And once I started phasing, it became even easier, since I healed faster I didn't have to worry about marks. It gave me control, sort of a you hurt me well I can hurt me too mindset. It kept my mind off of the constant feeling of aloneness I felt constantly, I had separated myself from everyone. I began to get brave with my marks, making them bigger and deeper, occasionally one would scar, and I'd pass it off as a battle wound.

One day I started marking with words, describing how I was feeling. Words like _lost, alone, _and _hurt_ made the most appearances. Once, his name, only once. But that hurt too much to look at and I never did it again. So I continued with my words, literally wearing my heart on my sleeve, well on my legs. I had started on my arm, but always wearing tanktops and cheap shirts to phase in, it got harder to hide. So I always wore pants that covered at least enough of my leg to hide the scars. I had a big scar going up my side, I pretended it was from when that bloodsucker almost got me, but Jacob saved me. I was stupid, my pride a danger to the rest of the pack. I didn't deserve to be around them anymore, I couldn't hurt them like that.

So after assuring my mother I was safe, making sure Seth was safely with the pack and I could hurt myself in peace, I ran out into the forests, not bothering to phase, knowing that no one could know what I was going to do. I rolled up my shorts, exposing the small scars that had yet to fade. _Worthless_ I carved, watching myself bleed and then heal, in a matter of moments. Once the stinging that had become my relief had faded, I began drawing lines on my legs, long and deep, trying to make the feeling last. When the feeling ended I cried, mourning for the loss of control over my own pain. And as I cried, I slashed down my arm, from elbow to wrist, greatfully watching the blood flow freely and feeling the welcomed stinging, but reluctantly noticing the skin healing over where the wound began.

And that's when I heard it, a rustling in the trees, I turned and saw him standing there, wide eyed, with a tortured expression on his face. He was painfully watching me, and it killed me knowing I had caused another perosn I loved pain and hurt. With three long strides he flew over, grabbing the blade out of my hand and throwing it to the forest floor. He grabbed both my wrists and pulled me up to face him. I looked into his eyes, Sam, my Sam... No. He was no longer my Sam. He was Emily's now. And I had to accept that.

"Leah," he whispered, "why are you doing this to yourself, how could you, why?" I just stared at him incredulously. He was crying now. I wanted so badly to tell him not to feel guilty, that it wasn't his fault and that I could forgive him, but I let my heart harden over, and the bitter harpy that had so often become my disguise took over.

"Leave me Sam." I stared up at him with all the hate I could gather, but it couldn't have been much. After everything, I still couldn't bring myself to hate him. So I decided to hit below the belt.

"Leave me Sam, you've done it before without a problem, you can do it again. Go" He just stared at me. I knew that I had hurt him, but I didn't care.

"Leah, I can't stand to see you hurting yourself like this. Please talk to me, I'm sorry." He started to walk towards me.

"If you can hurt me, then I can hurt me too." With that I phased and ran, I ran to the cliffs.I knew he wouldn't be able to catch me. Without a doubt I was the fastest out of everyone. I kept my head clear in case anyone else had phased as I ran. I phased back once I got there. There was a storm forming out in the water, and even with my abilities as a werewolf, I probably wouldn't survive a fall. Excellent, just the way I needed things to be. Funny, I was looking at my own death with such little emotion, I guess I just had none left in me.

I walked over to the edge, feeling the wind in my hair, feeling the freedom swirling around me. The freedom from the pack the freedom from my emotions, just the pure raw freedom I had never been able to grasp. I heard a noise behind me. I turned and saw Sam standing there, walking towards me hands up, as if to show he meant no harm. I wasn't afraid of him hurting me.

"Go away Sam. This isn't for you to see." He stopped, confused and stared at me. I softened my face. Maybe this was fate, for Sam to be the last person I ever saw, ever spoke to, for him to be the only person I got a chance to say goodbye to.

"Leah, you're not thinking, you're not going too..." He was crying. I shouldn't let him. He doesn't deserve to feel hurt, he doesnt deserve me. I didn't deserve him, I wasn't good enough, and that's why he chose Emily. I couln't help that, I understood that now. I had to apologize for everything, to let him know that I understood now. My life was too empty now, I had damaged myself far too much to go on, and I hoped he understood that this wasn't his fault, that I blamed no one.

"Sam, I'm sorry and goodbye." I looked into his eyes for one last time, the last thing I would ever see, and then I flung myself into the sea. I was at peace as I was submerged in the foamy surf. I breathed out and as I began to black out I welcomed my fate, for once knowing that I had finally done something to ease the burden of my packmates.

SAMPOV


	2. Chapter 2

SAMPOV

"Leah, I can't stand to see you hurting yourself like this. Please talk to me I'm sorry."

I walked towards her, staring in disbelief. I couldn't believe she would do something to harm herself like this.

"If you can hurt me than I can hurt me too."

That one hurt. I knew how much I had hurt her, knew all too damn well. I saw it in her eyes everytime I looked she looked at me. And I knew that was why she had left the pack to join Jacob's. And I knew that is why Seth had left, hoping his sister would follow, trying to ease her pain. Watching Leah suffer hasn't been easy, but that's why I have to put on such a hard mask. But I guess her bitter attitude has just been her mask. And I know it kills her that her brothers don't understand, how much more it hurts here when they taunt her. But I can't say anything, I am the Alpha, I must always be professional, and I cannot let Leah see the guilt I feel, knowing it would only make her feel more pain.

When she ran I just stared after her. Then I phased and followed her scent. She wasn't phased, so when I found her she was human. Human and standing on the edge of a cliff. She was going to jump. I couldn't let her jump, I needed her, she was a part of this pack, a part of me that I refused to give up.

"Go away Sam. This isn't for you to see."

That she felt so helpless that this was what she had to resort to. I loved her, she was once my whole world, and even though she wasn't anymore, I didn't want to let go. I felt the tears fall from my eyes.

"Leah, you're not thinking, you're not going to..."

She was going to jump. I couldn't stop her, I knew that. She always was stubborn, never letting any one get in the way of what she wanted. _Except for Emily_. She didn't have a choice in that case. Leah enjoyed being in control, and that took her out of control. She didn't like that, at all. This was her last attempt to have some sort of control over her life: how it ended.

"Sam, I'm sorry and goodbye."

I stared as she lept from the ledge. I ran over to the edge and saw her hit the water. I looked down with disbelief, wating for Leah's head to come bobbing up with a smile on her face and to hear her lauging at how much she had scared me. The laughter never came. I phased and ran down the cliff to the shore, scanning for Leah in the waves. I ran into the water and began swimming to where I saw her fall. Please don't let me be too late. In my mind I was screaming for anyone who was phased to hear me, to come to the beach to help me. To help me find Leah. I smelt an odd scent but I thought nothing of it, I was too concentrated on finding Leah. I knew I had to find her soon, or she'd be washed out to sea, and be lost for good. I couldn't let that happen. I heard someone.

_Sam, what's going on with Leah?_

It was Jacob.

_She jumped off the cliff, she tried to kill herself. Get down to first beach before we lose her for good!_

Jacob ran. I soon heard a spalsh and saw Jacob searching next to me. We searched and searched, and the water was getting rougher. I knew that if Leah was still under water she was gone by now.

_Sam, we gotta get outta here, the water's getting rougher and pretty soon it'll be too much for us to handle._

_You get back to shore, I won't risk losing you too. But I will not leave until I find Leah._

_Sam, you could get seriously hurt out here. Think of your pack, think of Emily._

At Emily's name I hung my head, I couldn't hurt another person I loved. I reluctantly swam back to shore, all the while still looking around for Leah. When I finally got back to shore I collapsed in the sand, still phased, sobbing. I had lost her for good. Losing her to Imprinting and Emily hadn't seemed as, final. Knowing that she would never be in my life again, that I would never hear her laugh, or her voice or see her face, well it hit me like a ton of bricks. Jacob and I ran back home, where I saw Emily waiting on the porch. I phased, dressed and walked inside, passing her and heading up to bed, locking the door behind me and collapsing onto the floor, sobbing and mourning the death of the girl I once loved.


	3. Chapter 3

EMILYPOV

I heard howling so I went out to the porch. The boys were inside waiting to eat as usual, we were just waiting for Sam and Jacob to come home and then dinner would start. The two packs were still separate but they were still brothers at heart so nothing really was different. That is until they got home. I saw Sam and Jacob coming out of the trees, both looking very solemn. Sam walked past my open arms and ran right up to the bedroom. I heard the click of the lock as he shut the door. Jacob led me inside.

"Sit down Emily, I have something to tell everyone, is the whole pack here?"

I nodded, I couldn't imagine what had Sam acting this way and Jacob looking so serious. Everyone had been so happy when they got home, and they were all so hungry. I was making dinner when they got home, and after thuroughly making sure Sam was okay, I sent him to go get Jacob, who was still with the Cullens and Leah, who had disappeared so we could all eat in celebration together. And now only the two of them were back, had something happened with Leah? Had they fought was that why he was so upset?

"I'm not quite sure how to say this, but it's gotta be said. Leah's, well she's... Leah... Leah killed herself."

Everyone in the room stared back at him in horror. I looked at all the boys' faces, seeing the hurt in their eyes. Leah had been like family to them, as annoying as she had been to them, she was still their sister. I heard a cry, looking over at the end of the table, I saw Seth, his features twisted in pain and anguish, his eyes shiny with tears. He slammed his hands down on the table, making the whole room shake. He was shaking, but not with anger, not because he was about to phase, but because he was sobbing. He stood and walked over to the door, his hand hovering over it as if to open it, then he collapsed. I ran to him and took him in my arms, and we cried together.

Jacob came and stood over us, a hand on each of our shoulders. The boys circled round us, silent. I stood up and held my hand out to Seth, helping him up. Each of the boys gave him a hug. I went upstairs and knocked on the bedroom door.

"Sam, please open, its Emily."

He opened the door and I took him into my arms. We were both crying, Leah had meant so much to each of us. I took him by the hand and led him down back to the kitchen. Paul had left to tell Rachel and Billy what had happened, and Jared to tell Kim. Seth sat on a chair crying, phone in hand, trying to work up the courage to call his mother and tell her she needed to come home. Sue was visiting my parents and wasn't supposed to return until tomorrow.

"Seth," I said, "why don't you wait until tomorrow to tell your mother, when she gets home. She'll be upset and I don't want her driving like that."

He nodded. He turned to Sam.

"What happened?"

We all looked at Sam expectantly, wanting to know what had set her off and finally made her do it.

He began:

"I found her in the woods and she was cutting herself. I saw other scars where she was doing it, it looks like this wasn't the first time. I tried to talk to her, to get her to come home, and she ran. When I found her she was standing at the edge of the cliff. Once I realized what she meant to do, I tried to talk her down. It didn't work. She said goodbye and jumped."

Sam had started crying agian.

"When I saw she didn't surface, I phased and ran down to the beach, I went into the water to look for her, screaming for help the whole time. Jacob heard me and came and helped me look. When the waves became too much for us to handle, we left. We knew that if we couldn't handle the water, Leah was gone. And then we came back here. I'm so, so sorry Seth."

He walked over to Seth and went to hug him, Seth stepped back.

"This is all your fault you know that?" He glared at Sam menacingly.

"Now Seth," I cautioned, I could imagine where this was headed and I hoped it stopped before it got there."

"Shut up Emily, because you have no idea what Leah felt. You have no idea. The only reason I don't blame you is because Leah never did you know that? After all you did to her she still loved you, you were still her favorite cousin, her best friend. She still looked up to you. She only ever blamed you, Sam. Because you were the one who broke her heart. You were the one she loved, you were the one who broke every single promise you ever made to her. Did you know she never got over you, Sam? Did you know that when she was home, she would go to her room and cry? Do you know how many times I'd come home from patrol to find her sleeping on the back porch because she had cried herself to sleep there and had to carry her to her room? Do you know how much it killed me to know that the man I was suppposed to be following, my Alpha was the person that put my sister through so much pain?"

Seth was crying now. Sam didn't say anything.

"I'll bet you didn't know all that Sam, did you? And I'll bet you didn't know that I joined Jacob's pack with the hope that she would follow, because Jacob didn't break her heart like you did. And how much more free she seemed when she had joined Jacob's pack. How much less she guarded her thoughts. How much happier she was. How much less she cried. But then, because you couldn't bear to see her happy, sent Jared to get her to come back. Do you know what he said to her? 'Sam wants me to beg. He told me to literally get down on my knees if I have to. He wants you home, Lee-lee, where you belong.' And then she went down hill again."

Sam looked at Seth in horror.

"And, I have no doubt, that the only reason she jumped was because it was you who had found her. If it'd been me, or Jacob or even one of the damn Cullens she never would have done it. But since it was you, the one who had cause her the pain to begin with, she did it."

And with those words, with tears streaming down his face, Seth walked out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

SETHPOV

I stormed out of Sam's house trembling, tears streaming down my face. It had started raining, how fitting. I didn't get two feet out the door before I was soaked. That was fine with me, I was in no mood to care. I phased and ran down to first beach, by the cliff where Leah had jumped. I couldn't believe what he had done. That he was the last person to see her alive, and most likely the last person she wanted to see. It wasn't fair. My sister was dead and it was all his fault. As annoying as she always was she was still my sister and I almost killed Sam for what he did to her to begin with. He didn't understand how hard things were for her. None of the guys did either. They all had no idea how many walls she had built up in her mind, walls that I could see through because I was her true brother and knew her the best out of everyone in the pack. But I couldn't help but think that I should have seen this coming. I knew she had been cutting herself, I didn't have to read her mind for that one. I could tell by the scars on her arms and legs, that she'd blame on a tree, but I could see the faint outline of words in them. But I hid that from everyone. Maybe, if I had said something to someone, or even to her, maybe I could have helped her. I had failed my sister. The tears came harder now. I could have stopped her. I could have stopped the pain that was now engulfing me, that would engulf my mother when she found out. This might kill her too. First my father, now Leah and then what next? I'd be alone. Though I would have my brothers it wasn't a good enough replacement for my real family, my flesh and blood. But I wouldn't think about that. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder.

"Seth, please come back to Sams."

It was Jacob. He was standing behind me looking out into the water. I knew that losing Leah had affected him too, they had been good friends lately.

"I don't know if I can Jake, it hurts too much to be in the house knowing that it was their fault."

"I know Seth, but they're still you're family. And you and them are the only thing you're mom has left. You can't stay away from them forever, you know how much that'd kill her."

He was right and I knew it. I reluctantly agreed to go back to the house.

"But it doesn't mean I have to speak to either of them."

Jake shot me a look

"Civilly that is."

We both phased and ran back to Sams. I walked in the door right past Sam and Emily crying in the kitchen and up to the spare room that I stayed in when my mom was away. I locked the door and cried again.

I woke up a little while later to the sound of the phone ringing downstairs, confused as to what was going on, then it all hit me again. _Leah_. The tears came again. Downstairs I could hear Jacob on the phone with someone, talking excitedly. He mentioned a couple of the Cullens. He hung up the phone and then came to the stairs calling up to me happily. How could he be happy? Nessie probably learned a new word or something. Not enough to take my pain away however.

"Seth! Seth come downstairs quickly."

I slowly got up and made my way downstairs. I walked into the kitchen to see Sam and Emily smiling widely, Emily crying tears of joy. What the hell was going on, didn't they remember my sister just killed herself because of the two of them?

Then Jacob said two words that made me the happiest werewolf alive:

"She's alive."


	5. Chapter 5

LEAHPOV

A very strong light was hovering somewhere above my head. Speaking of my head it hurt like hell. Where was I? As the room around me came into focus I noticed I was lying in a bed of some sort in a butter yellow room. I had never seen this place before. I looked around and noticed the variety of floral paintings in the room, a small yellow and pink couch in the corner that had a strange man sitting on it facing me with his head in his hands. I tried to sit up and groaned when a sharp pain went through my head. The man looked up and into my eyes. He was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen.

"You should probably lay back down, you'll hurt yourself if you try to get up too quickly."

Just the sound of his voice soothed my aching head. But who was he, he looked oddly familiar, but I didn't remember ever seeing him before. Then it hit me, the scent. Vampire. But not really. More like a mix, vampire and human. He smelled just like, just like, Nessie. Oh what was his name, the hybrid like her who had come with Alice and saved the day.

"Nahuel?" I croaked. My throat hurt, I needed water.

"Hush Leah, lay down, I'll go tell the other's your awake and get you some water, you sound terrible. Your brothers will be here soon."

He walked out of the room. And I really wanted him to come back. What the hell? Why was I thinking that way about some half leech hybrid?

I heard footsteps coming into the room. All of the Cullens were standing around me. All of them. And they were looking at me intensely, Bella looked like she was going to cry, if she could cry. Edward was concentrating, I knew he was picking through my mind. Alice looked pissed, obviously because their futures had disappeared because I was with them, Emmet and Rosalie just looked plain confused. Carlisle looked, well like a docter, he had some sort of chart that he was studying and Esme looked concerned. All that was missing was the hybrid...no wait there she was. What the hell was going on, why did Bella look so upset? Then it hit me. I remembered why my throat hurt, why I was lying there, why I was in so much pain. Because I had jumped off the cliff, I had tried to kill myself.

"Bingo" Edward said very quietly.

And then, I was horrified, because I had failed. Someone had saved me. Now, well now I was pissed.

"Now Leah, its nothing to get all worked up about..."

I stared at him.

"What do you mean nothing to get all worked up about? Maybe I wanted to die! Didn't any of you freaking leeches think of that? Maybe it was my time to go and you just screwed up fate? Maybe I don't want to have to deal with this anymore and I wanted out? Don't you understand what you've done?"

I was scared now. Because now I had to face Sam again. I had to face everyone again. And deal with all their sympathy. And their pitying looks. I thought I was passed all that, I didn't want to deal with all that again, I honestly didn't thing I could handle it.

Alice stepped forward.

"Leah, none of us saved you."

I just looked at her. Then why was I still alive?

"I did"

I looked at the doorway where Nahuel lingered. I glared at him.

"Why would you save me? You don't even know me?"

"Because I had to, because I wanted to."

I just looked at him puzzled, thinking. But I didn't have time to think, because about half a second later, I was being crushed by a large warm rock. A large warm rock who happened to be my brother.

"LEAH!"

He pulled me into a big bear hug, had I been human he would have crushed me. He was crying into my shoulder. I returned the hug and held him there. And I saw Seth Clearwater, Quileute werewolf of Jacob's pack, protector of La Push, become Seth Clearwater, my baby brother again.

"Its okay Seth, I'm here."

"Oh God Leah I was so scared. I can't believe you would do that to me and mom, why Leah? Why?"

I looked around and saw that the Cullens and Nahuel had left the room. I guess they could tell we were going to have a moment.

"Seth, I don't know. I just couldn't deal with it anymore, I still can't."

"Leah when Jake and Sam came home and Jake told us..."

I had frozen at Sam's name.

"I'm sorry Leah. I yelled at him. I was gonna kill him I think, but I stopped myself. And then I tried to run, but Jake brought me back. And then when Carlisle called I just started crying agian, cause I was just so happy and, Damn it Leah don't you ever do that again! Promise me."

I just looked at him, tearing. Because I wasnt sure that was something I could promise.

"Seth, I don't know if I can. I'm sorry."

I looked down into my lap, my cheeks flushed, ashamed that I had cause my brother so much pain.

We sat there in silence for a while, neither of us really knowing what to say. Then Seth spoke.

"Sams downstairs, he wants to see you if you'll let him. I didn't want to let him come but Jake said I had to. You don't have to see him if you don't want to."

I knew facing Sam was going to be one of the hardest things I had ever done, harder than when he had told me that he had imprinted with Emily. But I also knew that if I didn't face him now, I would have to eventually, and I'd rather get it over with.

"I'll see him Seth, you can tell him to come up. But I'd like to speak with him privately."

"Alright Leah, but I'll be right down stairs. I swear to God if he upsets you I won't wait long enough to get him outside before I kill him."

He walked out the door. I sat up in the bed, breathing deeply, trying to prepare and calm myslef for what was about to happen. I knew this could go one of two ways. Either a) I could talk to him, and feel better or b) I could talk to him and end up right back on that cliff. And the scary thing was I wasn't sure exactly which option I preferred.

I heard footsteps coming down the hall and then a soft knock.

"Come in" I called, waiting for the one thing that I knew could completely undo me to walk throught the door.


	6. Chapter 6

SAMPOV

I sat at the kitchen table, Emily holding my hand, Jacob sitting across from us. Seth had been upstairs for a while now, when Jake checked on him before he was sleeping.Oh God Leah, I can't believe I let her go like that . I should have been able to stop her, I should have tried harder to find her, I shouldn't have let her die. Damn it Leah! I couldn't believe that she had... Oh God. And I don't blame Seth for hating me because I hate me too. He's totally right though. It is my fault, I let her go.

Jake was talking to Emily, something about what to do about the body, or lack thereof. I stopped listening. I couldn't listen, I wouldn't let myself. Because it hurt too much. The fact that the first person to love me, love me like I had never been loved before, to be a part of my life so much, to mean so much to me, to help me get past so many things, was gone. And I didn't know if I could handle that.

The phone rang. I made no move to answer it or to let go of Emily. So Jake got up and answered it.

"Hi Carlisle. Yes we've heard."

I tightened my hand around Emily's.

"You what? Who did? Was it Alice? Oh right... Well yes I can see how Bella would be upset by this. Mhmm...ok and Edwards doing what? Oh right that would make sense, I guess. I suppose. Yeah, that's fine, have Jasper keep her calm. We don't need her freaking out on us. Okay, well thanks so much Carlisle. Yes, Seth of course, I'll bring him over straight away!"

He hung up the phone and I stared at him, puzzled. What was going on at the Cullen's that concerned Seth?

"Leah's alive. Nahuel, the half breed like Nessie found her after she jumped. He brought her to Carlisle. He did some tests and she's alive but unconscious. She could wake up at any time now. Of course they don't know when because Alice can't see her. And Edwards trying to look into her mind but it seems that her subconscious is blocking him, and he can't find anything to indicate when she's going to wake up. Jasper's on standby in case she's freaked out when she comes too. And Bella's upset, cause well been there done that. But he wants me to bring Seth over cause hes guessing that the first people that she wants to see when she wakes up is not the Cullens. And I'm agreeing with him."

I just stared at him in disbelief._ Leah was alive._ Alive and at the Cullens. Alive and safe. Alive and, alive. I pulled Emily into a hug and she cried tears of happiness. Jacob called up to Seth and told him the good news. He fell to his knees crying and smiling.

"Seth, we're going to go over to the Cullens now so you can be there when she wakes up, kay?"

Seth nodded and hugged Jacob.

"I'm coming with you."

The room went dead silent. Jacob looked at me puzzled but Seth just glared at me.

"Oh no you're not you bastard. This is your fault to begin with and if you think that I'm letting you get anywhere near my sister any time soon your out of your mind. Cause its not gonna happen." He began to growl and shake, and it was only a matter of time before he snapped.

"Please Seth, just please give me a chance to talk to her, to apologize, I'm begging you please."

Seth was about to disagree then Jacob shot him a look.

"Sam you will come with me and Seth but if you upset Leah in anyway I will not be responsible for what Seth does. And I'm not too sure I'll stop him either. Got it?"

I nodded. I just needed to talk things out with Leah, I owed her that much after all I had done. The run to the Cullens went by in a blur. We phased back and walked up to the door, Jacob was about to open it when Seth pushed past him and into the house.

"Where's Leah?"

"She's upstairs."

"Who are you?"

"I am Nahuel."

So he was the one who saved Leah.

"I pulled Leah out of the water."

And all though it was against all of our instincts to do so, Seth pulled him into a hug.

"Thank you, Nahuel."

"I will show you to her."

"Sam and I will wait down here, you go ahead Seth."

We walked over to the couch and sat down. A few minutes later Nahuel and the Cullens came down and sat with us. They had left Seth and Leah to talk. I knew Seth was probably very upset at this point. Again, all my fault. Edward looked at me.

"You know, you constantly blaming yourself just makes her feel worse."

I stared at him. And then I began to shake.

"Sam, I will have to ask you to leave if you're going to get angry like that."

Carlisle had put his hand on my shoulder. I calmed myself down, I was not leaving here until I talked to Leah.

A little while later, Seth came down stairs, red eyed.

" She said she'll see you. But I swear, I will not hesitate to kill you if you hurt her. In any way."

I nodded and walked upstairs to hopefully, finally after all this time of letting her hurt, I went to try and make things right. And I could only hope, that she would take pity on me, tortured by her memories as I am, and forgive me, because it was more than I deserved. She had deserved better, but she got me. Then she got hurt by me, and she didn't deserve that either. And I knew this might be my last chance to ask, no beg her forgiveness, and intended to make things right, no matter what.


	7. Chapter 7

SAMPOV

I walked up to the door and knocked softly. I heard her tell me to come in, this was it, it was now or never the moment of truth. I had to make things right. I didn't understand before to exactly what depth I had hurt Leah, but now I did. I walked through the doorway and gasped.

She was sitting up, which was a good sign but I still didn't like what I saw. She looked pale and exhausted. Her eyes were read. Her voice sounded raspy. Her hair was knotted and matted from the water, she had bruises and scrapes from where she must have run into rocks. I couldn't even begin to imagine what she must have looked like when she got here if this was her after healing for a few hours at a werewolf's rate. Her mouth was pulled down into a weary semi frown.

I was scared out of my mind. It was funny almost, how I could face bloodthirsty vampires on a regular basis but the mere sight of this girl instilled fear into my heart.

"Leah, I... I don't know what to say."

"I know Sam."

"Leah, why, how could you do this to Seth? To your mother? To me?"

"You did this to me."

I couldn't respond to that, because as much as it hurt, I knew she was absolutely right. An\d I could see just how much it pained her to tell me how hurt she was. Because all this time, she had tried to spare my feelings, spare Emily's feelings. Because she loved us, like we were so unworthy to love her.

"Fair enough."

There was a silence between us, and I just stared at her, and she wouldn't look at me, but instead looked at her hands in her lap. Because she couldn't look at me. Because I had done this.

"Sam, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I put you and the guys through so much hell after I phased. I'm sorry that I've been such a bitch. I thought everyone was sick of me. The pack was sick of me, my family was sick of me, even I was sick of me. And I stopped wanting to be me, and eventually I just stopped wanting to be. I figured things would be easier that way, that you guys'd be happier..."

"Leah but that's not true. Oh can't you see what it would have done to the pack if you had died? We'd all be so broken apart by it that we wouldn't be much of the tribe protectors anymore. You're a part of the pack, a part of each of your brothers. And as annoying as you may be to them they all still love you, they're your brothers! They'd never want you to do something as drastic as this. I don't know what I would do if you were gone."

There was a somewhat uncomfortable silence between us. But I didn't mind it too much, I knew she was thinking about what I just said.

"Leah, even though I'm not in love with you anymore doesn't mean I don't love you. You were the first good thing I ever had in my life. And I don't know if I could be what I am today without everything you've done for me. And I don't know what I'd do if something as special to me as you are was taken away from me."

There was something I wanted to ask her. And it was killing me inside.

"Leah, I wanna ask you something, and, you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but if you will, I'd like to know the answer."

"What is it Sam?"

"Were you, in the forest, when you were, cutting yourself, was it because you're still in love with me and I'm not in love with you? Is that why you were hurting"

"No."

"Then why?

"It was because I was alone. You gotta see things my way, most of the guys have an imprint, another half. The younger guys have the pack. Since I'm the only she-wolf, I feel as if I really don't belong, well much of anywhere. And that's another reason why Jacob' s little misfit pack was appealing to me. Since there was only three of us I figured, I don't know that maybe I'd actually get close to someone again, have a real friend, to always count on and to be there for me. And that didn't really happen. So again, there's Leah all by her lonesome. I guess that was just my way of coping. I'm so alone all the time, and it really hurts. And the comments the guys make about me being bitchy and bitter, they really don't help much either. A lot of it was taking control of my own pain, and pulling my mind from the emotional pain to the physical pain cause that was so much easier to deal with."

I never realized how much pain she felt. I, I couldn't believe it. She just poured everything out and didn't even hesitate.

"Leah, I had no idea.."

"Yeah well, now you do."

LEAHPOV

I couldn't beleive I was sitting here talking to him. I still couldn't believe I was sitting here, in the Cullen house, of all places bruised and bandaged and alive. I was still kinda pissed about that part. Alive and talking to Sam. Just how I wanted to spend my day.

"Leah, I wanna ask you something, and, you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but if you will, I'd like to know the answer."

Oh boy, here we go.

"What is it Sam?"

"Were you, in the forest, when you were, cutting yourself, was it because you're still in love with me and I'm not in love with you? Is that why you were hurting"

Shit. Of all the things to ask. But at least I could answer this one truthfully.

"No."

"Then why?

Alright here it goes Leah, its now or never. This may be your only chance to ever set the record straight with Sam. And maybe you guys can be well something resembling friends now. Hopefully. Or you can go back to the awkward aquaintanceship that's been the norm for a while now.

"It was because I was alone. "

My throat went dry, oh damn was I nervous. Deep breaths Leah, deep breaths.

"You gotta see things my way, most of the guys have an imprint, another half. The younger guys have the pack. Since I'm the only she-wolf, I feel as if I really don't belong, well much of anywhere. And that's another reason why Jacob' s little misfit pack was appealing to me. Since there was only three of us I figured, I don't know that maybe I'd actually get close to someone again, have a real friend, to always count on and to be there for me. And that didn't really happen. So again, there's Leah all by her lonesome. I guess that was just my way of coping. I'm so alone all the time, and it really hurts. And the comments the guys make about me being bitchy and bitter, they really don't help much either. A lot of it was taking control of my own pain, and pulling my mind from the emotional pain to the physical pain cause that was so much easier to deal with."

"Leah, I had no idea.."

Yeah, you wouldn't notice me dying inside would you.

"Yeah well, now you do."

I didn't mean to sound hostile, but how could I? He thought this whole thing was about him when in reality, he just started the whole mess. Nice to know his ego hasn't gotten any smaller. But still, it does say something that he wanted to talk to me. He could have just avoided me for the rest of our potentially long lives.

"Sam, I'd like to sleep a little now."

"Of course Leah."

He went to give me a hug but seeing he couldn't do so without hurting me, he squeezed my hand and walked towards the door.

"Goodbye Leah, and I'm sorry, for everything."

Sam left and I had the room to myself again. I might as well get some sleep while I have the chance. I made myself comfortable, closed my eyes, and drifted into sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

LEAHPOV

I woke up a few hours later, slightly rested but still aching. And I was thirsty again. And hungry. I slowly sat myself up and reached for one of the water bottles that someone (presumably one of the leeches) had left for me. Gulping it down, I felt refreshed and settled myself back against the headboard. I heard a knock at the door.

"Come in."

Nahuel walked in carrying a tray with a bowl on it

"We thought you might be hungry, Esme made you chicken broth. You can't have much more than that because of the way your throat was scratched up. But this is good and hot and probably quite delicious. Or at least Seth said so. He ate the first four batches Esme made before she made this for you."

Yup, that sounded like Seth alright. Crazy little werewolf brother of mine.

"Umm, thanks. Tell Esme thanks too."

"I will."

He looked disappointed at something.

"And thanks again for saving me."

He looked like he wanted to say something, I knew he wanted to say something. He hesitated.

"Leah, I want to know why. I know its not my place but I just can't help but wonder. A pretty girl like yourself shouldn't have that much to deal with."

Was this guy serious? Did he seriously think that my life was all rainbows and smiles?

"I know I haven't been here long and have no right to intrude but I can't help but wonder, what made life so terrible?"

Not something I reall wanted to talk about. Especially with someone I had only known for such a short amount of time. And who had foiled my attempt to escape my pain. I was still pissed about that.

But there was something about him that made me trust him. Something that made me want to tell him why. But I had barely wanted to tell Sam, and he knew me probably better than I knew myself. Even in our current state. And that kind of scared me. But for some reason, the prospect of telling Nahuel didn't scare me. I actally felt, rather comfortable around him.

"I'm not sure how to explain it."

Okay so that was something. I din't know how to explain to him exactly what had happened, I didn't know if he knew about, everything. Well maybe, oh here goes everything.

"Nahuel do you know the story of me and Sam?"

"Yes."

Okay so that saves a few painful memories.

"Is that the reason."

"No."

"Then what?"

I didn't say anything. I didn't know this guy. I didn't know why I should tell him anything.

"Maybe another time then Leah"

"Yeah, maybe."

He looked at me again, then walked out the door. I wondered how long this guy was going to be around. The door opened again, great, another visitor. THis time it was Nesssie. Now, on principle, I don't like the leeches, at all. But for some strange reason, I couldn't bring myself to feel the same hatred for Nessie that I feel for the rest of them. Maybe its because she's half human and its my natural instinct to protect her, I don't know. But when she came into the room, I didn't immediately feel the need to kick her out.

"Leah."

She walked over to the side of my bed. I pulled myself to the edge and leaned down to her level.

"Yes Nessie?"

She pleaced her hands on both my cheeks and closed her eyes. I saw myself, standing at the top of the cliff, I saw Nahuel walking into the Cullen's living room, my unconscious body in his arms. I saw Seth and Sam bursting in, fighting, Jacob in between them, both of them crying. I saw Sam walking down the stairs, silently tearing and walking past everyone and out the door. I saw Jacob and Seth sitting at the Cullens table with Nessie, eating, Seth smiling but with red, puffy eyes. I saw Nahuel, sitting on the stairs deep in thought, then I saw myself, tired and worn, probably from when she first walked in the room.

"Bye Leah."

"Thanks."

She smiled, turned and walked out. That freaked me out, just a little bit. I wasn't used to or fond of her way of communicating. But it gave me something to think about while I ate my broth, which, Nahuel was right, was delicious.

**Okay, so originally the plan was for this to be a really short, maybe one or two shot about Leah's pain. But now I think I want to give her some sort of conclusion. So I still don't know where this is going. And I know this is kind of short (I usually as a rule don't post things until they're at least 1000 words) but I wanted to update, cause I haven't in a while.**


	9. Chapter 9

I woke up the next day refreshed, itching to get out of that bed, out of the leeches house and back to La Push. And I was ready to face the rest of my brothers now, I had already faced Sam, which had been the hardest of all. And I was hungry, I needed to find some food. I thought about just trying to think loud enough so Edward could hear me, but I needed to stretch my legs. I rolled out of bed and walked out into the hallway. And realized I had no idea where I was going. I stepped back to take a look around the hallway and knocked into something. Or actually someone. It was Nahuel.

"Good morning Leah, its good to see you up and about, feeling better?"

"Yes, very much."

"Thats good, come lets go down to the kitchen, I believe Esme has made breakfast for those of us who need to eat regularly."

I let out a nervous chuckle and followed him down the hallway. We made a left and went down the stairs. I walked into what was possibly the biggest kitchen I had ever seen, complete with a huge marble island surrounded by at least ten bar stools.

"For people that don't need to eat the Cullen's seem to have put a lot of thought into their kitchen design."

"Sometimes we really just can't control Alice."

I turned arouned and saw Esme standing there grinning, holding a pot of I don't know what but it smelt delicious.

"I figured you might be hungry again when you woke up."

"You really didn't have to..."

"Oh but it's no problem. I miss cooking, Nessie doesn't have to eat as often as Bella did and you wolves give me the oppurtunity to keep my cooking sharp. And these cooking sets never get used, I really don't know what Alice was thinking when she bought them but I am glad she did. Who knew I'd ever have use for an industrial sized slow cooker? It certainly is making Alice happy seeing all her gadgets put to use."

"Of course it makes me happy! Because now I can go looking for other kitchen appliances that we can use to feed you guys!"

I turned to see a smiling Alice standing in the doorway, her husband Jasper a few feet behind her.

"How are you feeling today Leah?"

"I'm good Alice thank you"

Seriously, did I just say that to a bloodsucker. What the hell was wrong with me? Oh wait, could Jasper do stuff to peoples feelings...?

"She's caught you Jasper, yes he's the reason you're so uncharictaristically pleasant."

I turned and saw Edward grinning. I really wanted to be pissed at them, but for some reason I couldn't.

"Oh that's not fair."

"Maybe not, but it has to be done."

"What do you mean it has to be done?"

"I've seen your mind Leah, and lets just say afterwards I wished I hadn't. Its a dark place, its dangerous to you. If we leave you up to your own feelings you'd be right back where you were when you jumped in seconds. You need help, and until we can get you to a somewhat better state of mind, Jasper's gonna have a lot of influence over you."

"But wait just a minute..."

"We also think that you should talk to someone, not like a shrink or anything, just someone, it can be anyone of us. It would probably be best if it wasn't one of your brother's because they can see inside your head, it would be better off if it was someone who didn't know what you were thinking or feeling, so me and Jasper are out. And I wouldn't go with Bella either, she's too emotionally involved. So you have your pick of Carlisle, Esme, Rose, Alice or Emmett."

"What about him?" I pointed to Nahuel.

"If he's okay with it, I don't see why not, Nahuel?"

"I would love to get inside your head Leah, you already know that."

"Then that settles it, when do we start?"

"Whenever you'd like."

**I know, I know. I'm getting shorter and shorter with my chapters. I just don't have as much free time between school and stuff so I don't get a chance to write as often. I will try to keep writing so the next chapter will be a nice long one, but that means you may not hear from me for a while then. I have another story (After the Dawn) that I may or may not just give up on, I've yet to decide. Reviews would be lovely**


	10. Chapter 10

After Nahuel and I ate we went back up to my room. I lied down across the bed with my feet dangling off the side. He did the same next to me.

"Why did Edward want someone who couldn't read me to be the one to talk to me?"

"Your mind is a dark place, your brother's they're too involved, they're too connected to you. Jasper has enough emotions to deal with already and frankly, your mind frightened Edward. He said he'd never seen anyone with such, dark thoughts. Not dark like evil, but sad, depressed. Uncaring. There was no life in your thoughts. Dead, almost. But, don't tell him I told you so."

"Aww, why not. It'd do him some good to get teased a little, maybe I'll mention it to Emmett... Anyway, lets get this over with."

"So, Leah, what exactly is in your mind that frightens Edward so?"

I hesitated. sighed, if I'm gonna go I might as well go all the way and tell him everything.

"There's a lot. You said yesterday that you knew my story, you know what happened between me and Sam. But damnit, Sam's so Goddamned vain that he thinks its all about him. True, he started it, I'll give him that. But he can't take credit for all of my suffering. I've got more problems than just him."

"Like?"

"Like how about the fact that I'm a freak? How about the fact that I freaking _turn into a werewolf_ at will? How about the fact that I'm just Leah freaking Clearwater and the stars align against me?"

He just stared at me. I didn't know why I suddenly had the urge to pour my soul to him, but I could'nt stop myself.

"First, I lost Sam, then I lost my father, then I lost my humanity. Pretty soon, I'm gonna lose my sanity as well. I'm a mess, I know that. But its not all because of Sam. I'm, _alone_ all the time. I have no one. You don't understand, _I SHOULDN'T EXIST_, and I'm not sure how much more I can handle. Everytime something seems to go my way, life just throws another curveball at me."

"Leah, you're not a mess, just a little broken. And I know how you feel."

"How could you?"

"I shouldn't exist either. You forget, my kind is very rare. I've only ever met my sisters and Nessie. I am the only male, as you are the only female. So you see, Leah Clearwater, we're not so different after all. You are not alone, not anymore. I am your friend, Leah, or I would like to be. If you would let me."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would you want to be friends with me? I am nothing."

"You are not nothing. You are like me. You are the only one who can ever hope to understand me. And I can understand you. We can understand each other. I understood when you jumped off that cliff, that's why I saved you. I knew why you did it and knew that it wasn't worth it. That I could help."

"What if I don't want your help?"

"Well you really don't have that much say in that matter."

"What do you mean?"

"Can't you see it?"

"See what?"

"Why, although your mind is telling you to stay away from me, you're drawn to me?"

"What are you saying?"

"Leah you silly girl, you've imprinted on me."

**Haha surprise! I'm not sure if I'm gonna continue this story on much longer, maybe just an epilogue. I've come to like the shorter drabbles and one/two shots better. But I hope everyone enjoyed this and this shall not be the last I promise, there will be some sort of solid ending.**


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